There are certain people who cannot afford to be stupid. I'm not one of them. Politicians are paid to be stupid but I'm not fortunate to be one of them either.
Air line pilots cannot afford to be stupid, especially if I'm flying in their airplane. Ditto for brain surgeons if and when I have a scheduled appointment.
Gamblers cannot afford to be stupid either! But there are an awful lot of stupid gamblers and even stupid dealers in the majority of the Las Vegas casinos.
But that's not what this story is about. That is a subject for another day. The story today is about something stupid I did in Las Vegas a week or so ago. (Actually it's probably just one of many stupid things I did in Vegas!)
Let me try to explain. I don't go into the full details here because I don't think the full details are absolutely necessary. If you just don't understand it, then maybe you're just plain stupid too!
Misspelling is a sure sign of stupidity. I can't even spell Madam "Tusseud's" (the last name part) but I went there anyway and when I got inside the only thing I could think about was that "these people are really good at standing perfectly still"!
Well, to be perfect honest, I'm not quite that stupid! But stupid enough!
Here's my version of what actually happened!
I woke up relatively early in Las Vegas one afternoon and decided to take a leisurely stroll down the Strip to see what had happened since my last visit a year or so earlier.
My Tour Guide is usually the crowd in front of me so I'm seldom late and have the freedom to travel in any direction. This particular afternoon I picked the tour with the long legged blond in the middle and we headed in a northerly direction up the Strip. (North is UP to me!).
My long legged, blond guide eventually stooped in a storefront that sold "smells" of all things and since I assumed I was smelling fine this early in the day, I bid a silent "Adieu" and continued on pass the Smellatorium and joined my next tour which was presently and momentarily relaxed on one of those moving, one way, sidewalk things that leads unknowing victims into the lairs of the casino but never out.
This particular moving sidewalk led to a momentary stop directly in front of an establishment called "Madame Tusseud's" ('s'cuse me, Madame, if I misspell!). Directly n front stood a motionless figure of a man whom I had met on an earlier visit to Las Vegas many years ago when he was the opening act for a lady magician whose name I presently forget who performed at the high rise casino that was imploded which name I presently forget too - Hey,! This is about stupidity! Ain't it!!!?
Back then, this guy was a tremendous act! He would just stand on stage and do absolutely nothing at all. He wouldn't even make an effort and walk on stage. He had a crew of two carry him while he remained absolutely stiff and motionless. They would place him dead center on that stage and just walk away. He would remain motionless the entire time and the entire time lasted about 15 minutes. Not even a blink of an eyelid!
Hell! The crew did more work than he was doing but motionless guy got the headlines and the hefty paycheck while they got the nominal $2.50 an hour and a possible hernia every week.
Just before Melinda came out (Yea!!! That was her name - Melinda the First Lady of Magic!), he shocked the entire audience and came to life right before their very eyeballs. I think he juggled something just before going off stage in order to justify his paycheck and have something to write
on the job description line on his Federal Income Tax form 1040.
I wish I had a job like that. Something like the civil service guys I know.
He did nothing, but the audience loved it.
So anyway, here he is years later, doing his same do nothing routine in front of Madam Toussaud's at the end of a moving sidewalk leading into the Venetian Casino with a Smellatorium out in front. It's a stationary move in the right direction I guess!
Now I've been around Las Vegas long enough to realize that this guy ain't no dummy. Let these other yahoos think he's not a real guy! I know better!!
So I walk up to this guy selling tickets or collecting tickets. He's standing there watching the crowd watching the guy stand completely motionless. Another fairly decent job I guess.
I proceed to tell him that I know this motionless guy cause he used to work with Melinda the First Lady of Magic years ago!! He responds with a slight but polite laugh and simply says, "That's Mel Gibson!".
And I say, "Yea!! Ha-ha!", and he gives me a little strange look like he can't figure me out, so I walk the few steps and stand directly in front of good old Mel and start a one to one conversation.
I tell him I saw his act years ago with Melinda and how much we all enjoyed it and I was looking forward to the part when he broke his motionless stance and surprised the people standing around him. But, true to form, he didn't move an eyeball. He didn't even whisper a silent "thanks" for being such a fan all these years.
So I continue talking and carrying on about the older days in Vegas and then stand back to watch the stupid tourists who think he's not a real live person and enjoy inward laughs at how really stupid people can be.
Well I can't stand around all day waiting for good old Mel to do something or another so I say, "Good-bye, I'll see you in the way back out and I hope you can come out of character and talk then!"
So, I'm off and running across the Rialto while the crowd of people who remain with Mel are enjoying hysterical laughter.
Damn! I missed it! Mel must have done something funny! He always was a funny guy!
Tomorrow I'll come back and see what's inside that place!!!!
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