Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.
It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard.
I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the
airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.
Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand.You need to sit and
fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate.
But, first I need that $10.
< BR>Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal.
And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I
can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work.
Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters
into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge.
It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cen ts.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What
the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it.
You'll need it later for the lavatory.

I'd laugh, but after US air's announcement they will be charging for soft drinks, coffee and water


it's too true!

I just sent my wife an email to remind her to have cash when we fly out in Sept.

i was joking with the tender at the orleans,about all the price changes there,and not getting salt on my buck margy and he deadpanned back at me"that will be an extra 50 cents for that sir" he was joking--- i think!

When do you think they will start charging for the first bag?

Lee, I saw on the news yesterday that one of the airlines IS charging for the first bag.............Delta, maybe. $15.

Northwest starts charging for the first bag for all rezzies made after July 10.

I think USair is also

Jet Blue will sell you an eco-friendly blanket and pillow kit for $7 but only if you're on a flight that is two hours or longer. The kit does come with a five dollar coupon to Bed Bath & Beyond.

My wife wanted to suprise me for our 6 month anniversary so she bought tickets to fly to Vegas in Sept, ON American Airlines. I sent her their policy on charging for checked bags. They try to make it look cheaper by saying $15 for the first bag, ONE WAY! Instead of saying $30 round trip. And then its $50 RT for the 2nd bag. I sent her back an email saying that I will be taking 1 bag and for the 2nd $50 I could buy some things out there and then throw them away and come out cheaper. WalMart had Jeans for $8 so what can I buy for the other $42???

I'm also wondering if it would be cheaper to Fedex a box to yourself and save money??

I remember somthing about the Olympics last time where people threw their undergarments out instead of paying rediculous prices to have then laundered.

Layne,
I tried the Fed Ex route about a year ago. Our package was lost for about a month. What I beleive happened was it was never picked up. I seriously doubted I'd ever see my dirty clothes again.
BTW, It ain't cheap, but it is delivered to your door, so you don't have the hassel of lugging it through an airport. But of course, you must lug it to the fed ex store! LOL

look good on the plane to vegas so you don't look like a terrorist.pack clothes that you were going to give to the salvation army anyway.take those clothes and put them in a collection box outside of von's.go shopping.doesn't solve the luggage problem but you will look real good.i always have to throw away my undies<G> T.J MAX and walmart at sahara and decauter,a great place to start

better plan- carryon to vegas,checkin on line go right to security and gate.shop in vegas, fedex dirty clothes home. no lost luggage,no waiting at airport,ship cheapest way cause you don't care if it takes two weeks for dirty clothes to get home.some hotels with a business center may have a fedex pickup in house.

FYI, They charge you for package materials!!!
I never knew a cardboard box could be so expencive!

100 bucks for a second bag ain't cheap either!!

I hope you didn't buy bubble wrap or packing peanuts for your dirty clothes. <g>

i just checked-the orleans has daily fedex and ups pickup.site did not mention packaging.

There's worse to come ... here's part of an e-mail I received from American Airlines today.
****************************************************

Effective October 1, 2008, Upgrade awards from most Discount Economy fares will change as follows:

Upgrade within the continental U.S. and Canada, within and between the continental U.S. / Canada / Mexico / The Caribbean or between North America and Central America will require 15,000 miles plus a $50 co-payment.
Upgrade between North America and Europe, Japan, China, Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile or Uruguay will require 25,000 plus a $350 co-payment
Upgrade between North America and India will require 40,000 miles plus a $350 co-payment
********************************************************
I'm sure there will be more of these EMs coming in.